Mama schlock always used to say that Kevin Schlock was a complete surprise. She was walking from the kitchen to the bathroom and out dropped a baby. Surprised the entire family and the local Parson who came by to have a chat!
Kevin’s First word was “Action!” although many witnesses swore that it was “Jackson” as Michael Jackson songs were the only music that would put him to sleep. That and the Star Wars Soundtrack.
Kevin started out in the shadow of his brothers since he refused to wear shirts and it was always very sunny outside. His brothers made sure to keep their little brother melanoma free.
When he was five years old he recorded his first movie, and it was a schlock version of that kid’s show about a street named after a seed… Needless to say, the neighbors only called the police a few times, and the film was thrown into obscurity.
When Kevin was seven years of age he first became world famous when he won the national spelling-bee via “Technical knock-out”. It didn’t matter that security escorted him out, he was still a winner!
When he turned twelve years of age he started his journey to be a lady’s man. He had grown a beard since he was nine, and he worked out regularly, so at twelve he was the Junior-High Casanova.
He became world famous once again when he was a teenager and the boy’s school he attended was raided by Russian soldiers and he gathered a small group of kids to eventually take out the soldiers one by one where, by himself, alone and afraid he stole a Russian MIG and proceeded to shoot down all the enemy aircraft. When he finally landed there was a small parade and he was given a key to the city. A few years later a small movie came out based on his story. Of course, the movie couldn’t contain all the brave and exciting moments of the actual incident.
After having a movie made about his life he was inspired to go into the movie business. So he started working at Blockbuster video. Within hours he realized that this was not the movie business had intended when he first decided to go into the movie business. He toughed it out and eventually watched every movie blockbuster had ever rented since the day it opened, however, the Guinness book of world records denied his claim because the movie “Water-World” was a late rental and had fees, thus voided the attempt. He will try again in the year 2025 if he can find another Blockbuster video store.
After his world record attempt, he moved to LA where he became a world-famous writer and director, although you probably won’t see his name in the credits because that same year he also became a ghostwriter. Combining his talents he became the world’s most famous unknown writer and director. You can’t say words like “Crash”, “The Artist”, or even “Moonlight” without uttering a word that Kevin Schlock has probably written maybe.
A year after Kevin moved to LA he got lost in the wilderness. He was discovered a few days later turned into a completely different person. “The Los Angeles Wildman!” the headlines from across the country stated. He hunted deer with his bare hands and when they found him he was in the middle of a fight between two mountain lions over a fresh kill. Needless to say Kevin won that fight…
Kevin moved back to the Midwest and is feeling much better now!
Most of the time you can find Kevin behind a video camera or computer screen as he
keeps making content for the world to see!
And Ladies! He also loves Broadway musicals! Yum! What a catch, right!?
When you think of The World Famous Schlock Brothers, you think of Kevin Schlock!